Quotes!

Sometimes, these small sentences pop in my head, and I can't think of a story or larger picture to go along with it. This really frustrates me, because I always forget the quotes and then no one else gets to hear them. So, I'm going to start writing them on this blog post, and anyone can comment and tell me what they think. Hopefully, this will steadily gain more and more sentences, and then one day I'll be able to look back, find a couple, and make a full story.

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1. "Broken hearts drown out the broken morals of what love really is."

2. "There was a pang in my chest the first time I really looked at him. That's how I knew we were soul mates–he was already breaking my heart."

3. "You didn't see my vulnerabilities because you never looked at me long enough to find them."

4. "I think I was a mobster in a past life. All this code, all this loyalty, and all it amounts to are a couple of friends and a city of enemies."

5. "This is what it must feel like to burn at the stake."

6. "I wonder, sometimes, if I'm alone in this fight. I look around, and all I see are warriors walking stoically to their doom."

7.  "I'm sick of listening to a song and being hit by all these terrible memories of you.  I'm sick of feeling like what we had has been dulled by years and, at the same time, hating you as if it all happened yesterday."

So Much Anger!

There is nothing like being so angry you're unable to turn away from something.

You literally feel yourself getting angrier and angrier, yet you have no intention of stopping it, of saving yourself. Yeah, that'd be me right now.

I wish you could see this, but you'll never look or care so I'll just yell into the vast expanse that is the Internet. You know who you are, you know why I hate you.

And in case you're so self-absorbed as to not know, it's because you're a selfish, self-absorbed asshole that used me and then decided to come out looking like the victim.

Just because I'm stronger than you, doesn't mean I had less pain. It certainly doesn't mean you inflicted less pain. You did your damage, I just had the balls to stand back up when all you did was whine and fall.

How dare you flaunt messages like "Just remember, I gave a fuck when no one else did" when I was the one who gave a fuck when no one else did.


You forgot so quickly how good I was to you, and how bad you were to me, and I'm sick of pretending otherwise. You hurt me. You hurt me so bad, yet still I was there for you. You would have abandoned me  if I had ever come to you with problems, so I had no problems. You would have abandoned me if I had ever told you what I really thought of what you said, so I didn't tell you. And when, finally, I came to my senses and had enough of your utter bullshit, you got to scream and cry foul.

This is me crying foul. How dare you do what you did and come out completely unscathed. How dare you.

Kind of a Writing Adventure Notice

I have opened a very large black hole with this new project I'm working on.

It sucks up my time. And I'm not really counting that as a bad thing, but I do have some concerns.

I'm now, once again, obsessed with the character of Amanirenas. I mean, who wouldn't? She was a queen, and a damn good one at that (I think you pretty much have to be if you're defeating the Roman Army right after they took over Egypt). So, because of my obsession resurfacing, I decided I would let the cat out of the bag (only a small cat, maybe a kitten) and tell everyone some stuff about what I'm doing.

There are some conflicting ideas out there about Amanirenas. Some sources say that her husband ruled first and she took over once he died, but many others say the opposite: she was the true ruler of Kush. Because, in my opinion, it would make a better story, I'm siding with the latter, and saying she was ruler the whole time.

In every source, it is stated that she was married to Teriteqas. From what I can assume in the text (now this is a leap), Teriteqas loved her very much, and commissioned a palace to be built for her.

**interesting story alert: This palace is where Amanirenas buries the head of Augustus' statue, so that she may step on it and essentially curse him with every footstep.**

Teriteqas, unfortunately, died in the war with the Romans.

They had a son named Akinidad, who was crown prince before he also died in war. This, coupled with losing an eye in battle, must have left a hole in her heart. Some believe she and her husband also had another son, but that he was skipped over in the monarchy for some reason. There's not much evidence, so I'm not sure if adding it in there would make the story worse or better, considering I don't even have a name. I'll probably leave that stuff out.

Anyway, I'm thinking my story will start with Amanirenas on her death bed, about ten years after the end of the war (another tragedy in her life, they're not really sure what happened to her, only that she died young and roughly ten years after negotiating peace with the Romans). She will be talking to who she has chosen as a successor, and they will ask her about her experience as a queen. The rest of the story will be a flash-back in first person, starting with the day her father died and left the throne to her.

Now for personalities. From the decisions she made, I've inferred that Amanirenas was a bold and headstrong character. Though she can be stoic and reserved, she's very courageous and aggressive. But, above all else, she is a tremendous queen. She lives and dies for her people, and that's her defining character trait: her sense of purpose as a ruler. It's not that she believes Kush could not survive without her, it's that she wants them to thrive with her, which is why (I believe) she resisted the Romans so violently, even when she knew how outnumbered she was.

Teriteqas, on the other hand, seems calmer to me, so that's how I've been writing him. In my story, he and Amanirenas have known each other since birth, and they are very drawn towards one another. He balances her aggression out with a very quiet strength, and I think later in her life she will adopt these tendencies. It's obvious from the beginning they love each other, and he is very much the soldier and confidante she needs. For her, he would kill a thousand men, but if it's for any other reason he is the non-violent one.

Akinidad is very young when he dies–only fourteen– so he won't have much character development. I think the best route is to play him as a normal fourteen year old. He is a prince, and so he doesn't feel the weight of power, but he is still forced into a situation for warriors much more experienced than he. He is a lighter character, like his father, but unique in a sense that he does not fit a comforting or compassionate capacity.

So, I'll leave you all with a confession: sometimes, when it's very late at night, and I've been thinking about this stuff for a while, I think that maybe I'm her reincarnated, and that's how I'm so sure of what she felt and what happened.

Now, I don't really believe in any of that stuff, but the thought crosses my mind anyway, and wouldn't it be so cool if that were the case?

NEW CAR!!

I am the proud owner of a dark gray Kia Soul.

I named it Bruce, after Bruce Wayne aka: BATMAN!!!!!

I didn't name my car Batman because, while Batman is a badass, my car is not full on dark knight.

My car is sophisticated, and refined, and a bit mysterious (I'm still figuring out how the bluetooth works). My car is also damn sexy-fine, because you can't just use a regular word like "sexy." You must make one up. Bruce Wayne is all of these things, whereas Batman is scary, and scary, and a little bit scary.

Bruce is also adorable when he wants to be, and all the ladies want to get with him. So, there's my thought process.

(Not really. I just kind of yelled "Oh my God I'll name it Bruce!" and that was that.)

Oh man, I have a car!

Progress

I just sent my "short story" (I put it in quotations because I'm not so sure if 1,300 words counts as a story at all) A Good Time to two writing competitions.

Wow.

I am completely aware that I have a one in a million chance of winning (especially because the main character is a hooker) but still, the fact that I've finally accomplished something makes me really happy.

Something Terrible that I do

So, there's something that I do to people I'm not particularly fond of.

I lurk THE CRAP out of them on Facebook.

Also, don't even try to pretend that I'm alone in this act. I am most certainly not, because I've seen it done by others.

Sometimes, I'm ashamed of this. How is it that I can be such a terrible person as to seek out something I don't like, just to think about how much I don't like it?

Other times, I take one look at their wall, or their profile picture, or even their comments on someone else's wall, and I don't think that way at all. What I think is, how is it that they can be such terrible people as to market themselves as someone totally different than what they are?

Now I know that I just marketed myself as being a disgusting teenager with too much time on their hands. I know that anyone reading this will think less of me. 

I also know that I'm no different from most of the people I know. We are all terrible human beings, we all cut down our own kind for sport. Maybe that levels the playing field to make us all good people too, or maybe that's just where it ends.

Either way, terrible or not, I do it, along with other terrible or not so terrible things. And, at some point, so have you.

Character

What does it say about me that the characters I create are flawed to the point of being unlikable?

That's pretty much it. I don't have an answer, or a funny anecdote that has to do with the question. I just want to know.

Sleep!

I'm so tired I can't even see straight.

Yeah, apparently that's a real thing. Who knew.

Anyway, I'm probably not going to get to post a writing adventure today, because my life adventures wear me down. Also, I really can't think of anything, no matter how much I stare at the screen or how many songs I try.

So, I'm giving up for now. Which really saddens me because I had 18 days of posting in a row, and I never thought I could be that consistent on this thing.

But who knows? Maybe in two hours I'll come back and whip out something perfect.

Or, maybe, in two hours, I'll be asleep. Not sure which one I want more right now.

Little Moments

You know, for the most part, I think I'm getting it all wrong. By it, I mean life. And I don't really think anyone gets it right, technically, but I pretty much improv all my lines. Maybe fate is guiding what I say, but I don't think fate would be so ridiculous as to do some of the stuff I do.

But. . . there are little moments. I think everyone has them; those seconds where you say exactly what you mean, or where you're proud of yourself for doing something right or even just doing something. I had one of those a few minutes ago, and I wanted to write it down because it doesn't happen often, where I say exactly what I think and it comes out the way I want it to.

Someone asked me why I write. "Why do you write?" (pretty straightforward, no bullshit for once! and now you all know who asked me.)

This is what I responded with, and I think I hit the nail on the head. I mean, there are a lot of reasons why I write, or why anyone does anything, but this is probably a big one:

"Because I have things to say but not enough balls to write it in something other than doublespeak."

That response is not what I'm proud of, it's just the sad truth. But this person then added "Sometimes thoughts are better conveyed in the manner of writing rather than just saying it up front."

And here's where I'm proud of what I said. This is something I hope I remember.

"No. Sometimes thoughts are better heard not up front. I may not have the balls to say it, but not many people have the balls to hear it, either."


I'm not sure why I'm counting this as one of my shining moments, but I am. It was something I needed to say, especially to the person I said it to. But who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe I'm very very right.

Or maybe it doesn't matter at all.

Contradictions

I don't think I've met a single person that can be summed up in one word. I mean, if I really had to, I would be able to, but generalizations don't do anyone justice. There are too many different facets to one personality. We contradict ourselves too much to ever be just one thing.

For example, I dislike the character of Superman. I think he's very condescending and, while he is quite selfless, he is also quite full of himself. He knows he is the best, and he has no problem keeping that title. And, his most annoying quality: he's too light. He sees the world in black and white, and it's definitely not.

On the other hand, I am in love with Optimus Prime. Let's face it, he knows he's the best too, and no one is going to take that from him. He also sees things very black and white, but I hate Superman and want to marry Optimus Prime.

I can't explain to you why I think one's a badass and the other not so much. It's a small contradiction of mine, like how I love to dress up but hate to do it in front of people I know.

Everyone has stuff like this, and it's what keeps us from being boring, from being just one word. And I don't know if that's good or bad. Maybe it's a little of both.

The Past

It's weird when you talk about the past, how it comes to you in a different light.

Instead of seeing that you have no options, that you're completely hopeless, you see the thousands of roads you could have taken. It's almost depressing.

At this point in my crazy, indescribable personal life, it's pretty laughable.

I'm not really sure what I'm talking about, here. I didn't have some crazy epiphany, I didn't see some photograph of myself ten years ago and think "If only I had done this instead!"

I don't think those moments happen in real life. I think we go through life, one second at a time, constantly in the chaos of that moment, and then three, four, ten years down the road you wake up and you're still living in that chaos.

Sure, here and there you have those nostalgic moments, where you are with your friends and you can retell and relive stories of the past, but after a while, we get sick of regrets.

I can't pin down my life to one mistake or even one moment. I can't think to myself and say "If I hadn't done this, I wouldn't be here." Because, unfortunately, my life doesn't just revolve around me. My life depends on what my friends do, what my parents say, how my ex-boyfriend decides to act around me.

A single person's life is bigger than a single person. Which means it doesn't have room for regrets, because there are too many mistakes and mishaps stuck in there.

And there are too many good times, too.

Driving

Tomorrow is my first driving lesson, and I'm terrified. Not so much that I'm going to crash or anything like that, because the instructors know what they're doing and they've been teaching a lot longer than I've been learning.

I'm just afraid I'll be downright terrible at maneuvering a car. Which is a pretty legitimate fear. I've seen some terrible drivers (my sister has a knack for running into them wherever she is, her road rage is also quite frightening) and I really don't want to be one of those drivers everyone hates because they don't seem to know what they're doing.

Enough people already hate me. But I digress.

The fact of the matter is: I don't know what I'm doing. And I know that everyone is in the same boat when they start, but I can't help but freak out because I'm going to be on streets with a lot of other people and I'll have no idea what to do or how to do it.

Right now, I kind of wish we were still in a time where we rode horses all over the place. I already know how to ride a horse.

Angry Songs

I hope everyone knows what an angry song is. It's pretty self-explanatory.

For example, "If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had to do was Ask" by Mayday Parade (great title right?) is an angry song. If you aren't familiar with the song, you should be. Some of the lyrics go like this:

Take me home,

I'd rather die than be with you.

Take me home,

You had a problem with the truth.

Fun, right? I'm not sure what attracts me to angry songs, but I love them. Even when I'm not angry which doesn't really mean much considering I'm never not angry, but it counts for something. It's not the head-bobbing factor, as not all angry songs are fast or have a good beat for head-bobbing.

I think it's the fact that anger means more to me than happiness. Anyone can fake happy; it's not hard. You put on a smile, laugh a little louder than everyone else, and no one will think twice about how you feel. But anger is different. Anger is harder to fake, and, for some people, harder to keep. 

You can literally feel when someone is angry. It's almost as if the air changes. In an instant, the mood of the room shifts, because of one person. That's power happiness doesn't have. 

A love song can't make you trash your room. A sad poem can't make you say exactly what you want to. But angry music can. 

So thank you, "Discovering the Waterfront" (Silverstein) and "When I Get Home You're so Dead" (Mayday Parade) and "Ohio is for Lovers" (Hawthorne Heights) and "Running From Lions" (All Time Low) and "Newport Living" (Cute is What We Aim For) and many, many, many others.

I wouldn't be me without you.

Obligation

I don't know about you, but I feel obligated to do a lot of stuff. 

When there are people over at my house, I feel obligated to make my bed. When it's 11:48 PM, I feel obligated to write something in this blog.

I also feel obligated to believe in something I don't know if I actually believe in anymore.

I won't call it a crisis of faith. Band class isn't faith (or is it?) and lack of motivation isn't necessarily a crisis. But it hurts all the same, this fear that I feel from feeling obligated to do something I once loved so passionately.

If I had to choose one thing I loved most about band, I would choose the only thing that'll never change: four mallet technique. A lot of people don't know how to do this, and I'm not going to waste my time explaining a concept such as this when I know the only person who DOES read this blog knows exactly what four mallet technique is (this is a whisper shout-out to James Harris, who is my bestest friend).

I don't like playing four mallets because it's harder. Chords aren't always harder than the crazy two mallet runs we get, they're just harder to memorize. Once you get that down, you're fine, so there's nothing special there. Difficult is difficult in any language. I like four mallets because of an abstract concept– one that presented itself to me quite early on in my mallet playing career.

Your hands can't shake when you play proper four mallet technique. No matter what, it's pretty much physically impossible. Through yelling, through tears, through heartbreak, through rage, through the hardest parts and the softest melodies, you're stable. Serene, even, and that's something I don't usually say about myself.

But that's the good thing about music, isn't it? It shows you that you are not one note. You're more than what they yell at you, or what you cry about. You're whole, while still being a part of something bigger.

I've lost sight of that this summer, after all of the fiascos that went on in my band program. I lost sight of the something bigger, of the something whole, and focused on my shaking hands.

And I'm not sure how to see anything else, anymore.

Oldies Part 2!

Since I have now thought of (or have been reminded of) a new batch of older songs, here's my part 2:

8. Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) by Looking Glass
     Such sad lyrics that are beautifully hidden by an upbeat tempo and a great voice, Brandy is a song that I only hear once in a while, but never get tired of. This song is a perfect love-triangle story, between a girl, a sailor, and the sea.

9. Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest
     This song is such a light-hearted and fun song. I always want to dance when it comes on, or laugh with friends. Always a good pick-me-up.

10. Jack and Diane by John Mellancamp
     Almost everyone knows this song, even if they don't know they do. Jack and Diane live in all of us, as far as I'm concerned, and the simple message of "life goes on" never gets old.

11. Piano Man by Billy Joel
     The harmonica at the beginning and the rousing chorus make this song a great classic. Another song where everyone knows what it is, and no one's afraid to belt out the lyrics.

12. We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel
     There are so many names in this song it's almost impossible to know all of the lyrics, but everyone tries nonetheless. This is a party song, through and through, and will continue to be the reigning champion of unintelligible karaoke.

13. Levon by Elton John
     For some reason, this song always gets me. This is my favorite Elton John song for good reason. The lyrics are heartfelt, and the piano is exceptional.

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If you haven't heard some of these songs yet, you should definitely give them a try. There's a reason people still remember them 30 years later.

If I Were a Superhero...(yeah, we're going there.)

Don't tell me you haven't thought about it before. I know I have.

What if you were a superhero? What would you do? Who would you be?

I pretty much know exactly who and what I would be. So let's get started!

Powers (because that's really all anyone wants, isn't it?): The ability to inflict pain on someone. . . just by staring at them. Yes, it's epic, and no, I didn't think of it myself. Believe it or not, someone has actually told me that if I had a crazy power, this is pretty much what it would be. Now, this power is pretty dark, so I would cast a spell on myself that makes sure whatever pain I inflict, I feel half of that pain. It would keep me from killing everyone I wanted to kill (aka: a lot of people) and keep me from using this power whenever I wanted (aka: ALL THE TIME). This leads us to:

Name: I've been tossing this around for a very long time. The name I think would fit perfectly is more in line with a villain, so Deathstare (badass, I know) is out. I would have to then go with something like Glare or Scowl (thank you James Harris). The name has to reflect a stand-offish attitude because, really, this is one of the most stand-offish powers imaginable. No one would want to look at you lest they get caught in your stare of doom! <--- Literally the best sentence I have ever written.

Costume: Here's another one I'm stuck on. It would be dark gray (because everyone wears black and I would like to be the hipster of superhero costumes), and not nearly as slutty as some other costumes (I SEE YOUR DEEP V-NECK VIXEN! YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE WITH THOSE PANTS!). Other than that, I'm pretty lost. I would wear pants, because who wants their skirt blowing up while trying to look scary? But, I would definitely wear heels. They are a necessity when doing anything badass. I have no idea as to a logo, possibly just an eye? This is pretty up in the air as of right now, any suggestions are welcome.

I can't put a backstory on here because I would have to use my own name, and I'm not even sure I would want to be Daryn Orr and a superhero. If running around in tights was half my life, the other half hopefully wouldn't be going to high school and fighting with an ex-boyfriend (although, he could be my villain? but, sometimes he's nice so that's not an option. boy, are we complicated). I would want to be someone else entirely. New real name, new crazy origin. So let's skip!

Love Interest (because it has to be done): I would almost definitely go for Orion (by the way, this is off of the Justice League animated show, because I would want to be in their continuity, considering all of the crazy stuff going on at DC with this "new 52"). Yes, he's kind of a jerk, but you can see he cares. And having a bully on your side isn't a bad thing, especially when really bad guys are coming at you with really big guns. Besides, one of Orion's only lines is "Talk. While you still have a jaw." That is the definition of being badass.

Well, that's pretty much all I got. I just did this because a couple of my other posts on this blog were pretty deep, and I'm not just a crazy depressed angry chick all the time (not that anyone's looking at this who doesn't know me).

Wow, I write a lot of parentheses.

The Line Between Giving Up and Letting Go

I know some people (well...one person) that believes the difference between giving up on something and letting is go is:

NOTHING

For a while, I thought this way too. I mean, it's a pretty big line that not a lot of people see. Usually, we only see it when it's working against us.

For example, there was a girl who said some pretty mean things about me, in front of a lot of my friends. She didn't do this to be hurtful, she did it to be funny, and she got her fair share of crap for it that night. But I didn't see it that way. I thought to myself, how can I just give up my anger? How can I let her win like that, where she gets to laugh with the same people I laugh with, hang out with the same people I do, and not get it brought up once that maybe I'm the victim in this instance?

But I was wrong. I was dead wrong. My anger, my hatred for her and for the situation I was in, wasn't something to hold on to. It was something to feel in that moment, and after she apologized (which she did almost immediately after and I menacingly brushed off) I needed to let it go.

I seem to have that problem a lot. I blur that line almost consistently, but only when it's in my favor. I don't think I'm alone in that, but I think being wrong is what makes us human. We've always been defined by our mistakes.

Recently, though, I've seen another offender that blurs these lines. My ex (the one that pulled a drop-and-run on me before) also can't see the difference between giving someone up and letting them go.

I've made it pretty clear that we're done. I believe the break up was enough to show that. And, even though I was having doubts afterwards and he's a really good guy, we're going to stay apart. It's for the best, considering we can't talk on the phone for more than five minutes before one of us gets upset or ticked off. By this I mean he gets upset and I get ticked off. Really really ticked off.

But I digress. This ex-boyfriend of mine believes that the act of letting our relationship take its course is actually giving up on it. Now, I'm not sure how to convince him otherwise, or even if it's possible, but he seems adamant that he's right.

Unfortunately for him, I feel the opposite. And we're pretty stubborn people. So it comes into question, is he right? Is letting something die just simply giving up? And is this a bad thing in every case? If something is too far gone to be saved, shouldn't it then not be saved? 

I don't know what he thinks of himself. Hell, I'm a writer and sometimes I don't know what I think of him, either. But I know that if he were watching this play out on some crappy television movie (that I'm sure my life is made for) then I know almost for a fact he would yell, just like the rest of us, 

"Just let it go!"

Great Older Songs List (+why i love them)

This is in no particular order, because it would take me years to get that straight. Anyway, these are older 80s and early 90s songs that I am in love with, because I've been listening to them lately and music nowadays is all just rave crap!
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1. Boys of Summer by Don Henley
     One of my favorite songs ever. The lyrics are beautiful and somewhat sad while never losing that awesome beat. One of the greatest line in music history is "I thought I knew what love was/ What did I know/ Those days are gone forever/ I should just let them go but..." I never get tired of hearing this.

2. Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas
     Again, amazing lyrics paired with an awesome drum fill right off the bat make this song a classic. The chorus always makes me want to take on the world, and the switch from upbeat rock to semi-whispered voices create such an interesting vibe. This is a song that constantly gets stuck in my head and I will never complain about it.

3. Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar
     Love is a Battlefield is a song that is like a guilty pleasure. No one will admit they actually like the song, but everyone can belt out the words. Not to mention the crazy video that goes along with it. This was a fist-pumping song before fist-pumping songs existed, and it will always be an anthem for kids everywhere who just want to stick it to their parents.

4. Take On Me by A-Ha
     This song is amazing, and not just for the high notes. This is also one of my favorite songs and it is my favorite music video. The bright synth beats paired with the simple lyrics really strike a perfect chord with me for some reason. It's almost unexplainable how something so simple can mean so much, but this song does exactly that.

5. Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners
     This song's beginning is extremely recognizable, and even if you've never heard it, you get the feeling that it's always been in your head after you listen for the first time. The lyrics, on the other hand, are extremely unrecognizable during verses, but the chorus comes out beautifully. This is a song you just want to smile and dance at, something simple to lift up your heart.

6. In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins
     Let's be clear. I knew and loved this song before The Hangover. This song is so dark and great that I can never pass up rocking out to it when the occasion arises. Plus, the drums in this song are spectacular.

7. Don't You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds
     The movie this song goes to (The Breakfast Club) is my favorite movie hands down, and this song is even better for that fact. This song is great for it's clear message: don't forget about me. And that message is something everyone has felt.

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Well, those are all the big names I can think of right now, but there will probably be updates every now an then. Feel free to comment any others that you enjoy!

My Love Life (aka: Crazy Stories I'd Like to NEVER Relive)

Today I was ding-dong ditched by my ex-boyfriend.

Well, that's a statement I never thought I would say.

I had lent him two comic books, because I am obsessed with them and he wanted to read, and this was the point in our relationship when I thought we could still be post-breakup friends. This was also the point in our relationship when I was an idiot (correlation maybe?). Anyway, I had given him these comics to read and then things had blown up pretty bad. By "blow up" I mean he wanted to get back together and when I refused he turned back into a whiny and self-centered four year old that thinks a temper tantrum will get him exactly what he wants.

Obviously, it didn't. We hadn't spoken after I laid down the law for a few days, and today the door bell rings. As if it was a movie, I swing open the door just as I see his car rushing from my house. Puzzled and a little bit infuriated, I look down and what do I see?

My two comic books. "A Killing Joke" by the wonderful Alan Moore and "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader" by the also fantastic Neil Gaiman. There was also this note:

Thank You.

Really? You can try to force me back into being your slave of a girlfriend but you can't look me in the eye long enough to hand me a comic book? At this point, I am fuming and I pick up the note. It smells so strongly of his cologne I am almost 100% positive he sprayed it separately. Like one of those love-crazed girls whose man has gone to war, so they spray letters with perfume before they send them. Exactly like that.

People have this uncanny ability to be hypocrites. We freak out to anyone who will listen about how crazy our lives are, how confusing our problem is, how un-fixable our dilemma has become. But do we ever want to solve it? My ex and I dated for 8 months, which means he must know at least one thing about me, and that thing is probably that I think avoiding confrontation is sometimes (if not always) cowardly. If you want to do something, my motto is, you have to do it. So he created a bigger problem by running from my house, and he had to have known that, yet he still created that problem.

Do we ever want to solve anything, or do we just want someone to listen to us complain?

Intro

Since I created a blog not too long ago that is specifically for writing ideas and tidbits of story, I wanted to write some stuff a little more personal. From the heart, I guess, though that's where all of my writing comes from. I haven't told any of my friends about this site (whether that will ever happen is still up in the air) because I wanted to be free. There's no one watching, which means there are no preconceived notions of who I am and what I'm supposed to say. It's like looking in a mirror for your soul, and that's kind of nice for a change.

My name is Daryn, and that's about all I know about myself, other than the fact that I want to be a writer someday. Now, I'm not living in fantasy land with this dream of mine. I have a plan and goals set along the way, so I don't end up starving on a street corner with a little cardboard sign that says "I just followed my dream and the road ends here" (I think I'd make some money off of that one!). I want to go to the University of Arizona, so I can major in English and minor in Creative Writing. From there, I want to start work at a publishing company and work my way up to an assistant editor, since they work directly with manuscripts and hopeful writers. Throughout this process, I could try and ghostwrite for autobiographers, and gain a little money off of that, as well as working on my own stories that I could turn in to my company. Maybe they'd help me out considering they would know me.

Anyway, this is just a dream. A longshot, fantastic, optimistic, scary as hell dream that I hope I never wake up from.