The Past

It's weird when you talk about the past, how it comes to you in a different light.

Instead of seeing that you have no options, that you're completely hopeless, you see the thousands of roads you could have taken. It's almost depressing.

At this point in my crazy, indescribable personal life, it's pretty laughable.

I'm not really sure what I'm talking about, here. I didn't have some crazy epiphany, I didn't see some photograph of myself ten years ago and think "If only I had done this instead!"

I don't think those moments happen in real life. I think we go through life, one second at a time, constantly in the chaos of that moment, and then three, four, ten years down the road you wake up and you're still living in that chaos.

Sure, here and there you have those nostalgic moments, where you are with your friends and you can retell and relive stories of the past, but after a while, we get sick of regrets.

I can't pin down my life to one mistake or even one moment. I can't think to myself and say "If I hadn't done this, I wouldn't be here." Because, unfortunately, my life doesn't just revolve around me. My life depends on what my friends do, what my parents say, how my ex-boyfriend decides to act around me.

A single person's life is bigger than a single person. Which means it doesn't have room for regrets, because there are too many mistakes and mishaps stuck in there.

And there are too many good times, too.